


Amor Fati: Tracklist

by WOOZIs DARLING (Zinna92)



Series: Amor Fati [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Slice of Life, mention of other members
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 21:17:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14173584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zinna92/pseuds/WOOZIs%20DARLING
Summary: Things are good, perfect even but not at the same. As days pass as he finds himself buried alive. Wonwoo wonders if everything is fine, at least, fine within himself and in his relationship.





	Amor Fati: Tracklist

**Author's Note:**

> I know I said I wouldn't post anything else but this story is there on my computer, waiting for something to happen I thought I would be kind enough to post it. I haven't written in a while but I had this there and I thought you deserved this little bit of story.

There were many things around Wonwoo’s life. Good things and bad things but mostly, Wonwoo considered himself a lucky person. For many reasons and so many things. It felt like everything fell into place. Every piece of a puzzle falling into the right place and for his life but the main reason he felt lucky was because of his boyfriend. Mingyu was his happiness. His joy. He had been a wonderful person, his best friend and was absolutely perfect in other areas too.

 

Everything was good, even with the abrupt beginning of their relationship.

 

There were hardships, in school and life but never in their relationship. Mingyu had cried, he fell and thought everything was ending, he was about to quit, leave college but Wonwoo was there beside him. Supporting him. Wonwoo had the same support. Mingyu was always there with him. Helping him.

 

It was soft and fresh as it always has been. Well, after those moments when fear consumed his soul. As he felt lonely and far away from his family. Finding comfort only in Mingyu’s arms, crying without restriction and find a fond smile beside him when he opened his eyes every morning. That was the nicest thing, being able to look at Mingyu’s smile, first thing in the morning. Several things changed in the course of years. Jobs, houses, life and even friends.

 

Some friends changed and they added a few more to the list. Some things were surprising, some others came just right in time. Seokmin, as kind and warm as he was, had a hard time to find someone, they didn’t last too long but he was happy, with her and even after they broke up like it was an experience he wanted to live and he enjoyed it the way he wanted it to be. Seungkwan became more than an acquaintance that they could meet once in a while. He was a nice -but loud- person. Full of stamina and joy. Soonyoung, Seokmin and him were something else when they were together. He became a support to Mingyu in a way Wonwoo couldn’t a time. A harsh but honest friend. Unafraid to hurt to help him. It was fantastic how things developed.

 

After some time living in the same apartment, they decided to move. Further away from the small and comfy apartment close to university to a small loft. It wasn’t too different, it was even smaller than their old apartment but the view was completely different. They had an absolutely nice view of the city. A small portion of Seoul but enough to make Wonwoo fall in love. The boy sat beside the window in the middle of the night to admire the city lights, watching cars pass by.

 

They choose a small flat. Two floors flat, the first floor had the living room, a simple bathroom and the kitchen a little desk where both of them kept their work mess in. The second floor had the bedroom and a full bathroom. A queen size bed that shared as many secrets as the relationship he held with Mingyu. Everyone was welcomed to their house but only they could use. Only they would be lying there, whether it was to sleep or to have sex in it. There was no TV in their bedroom. The only TV was in the living room, in the nights they shared their day or slept but there was no distraction, more than a few books Wonwoo read before sleeping but it was weird for Wonwoo to read in bed when Mingyu was beside him. He read when he was alone or when he knew the younger would take a while before getting in bed with him. The bed was in the middle of the room. There was a big window on the living room but there was a small window on their bedroom, he had placed a couch beside it and sometimes when he didn’t felt tired enough, he watched Mingyu fall asleep to sit on the couch and watch the time goes by. There was nothing on his mind and when he noticed, he was waking up on the couch, instead of his bed. It was a weird feeling, Mingyu sometimes woke up before him and never did mention of it, as if it didn’t disturb the younger. It might than it didn’t, they needed to think, their space and their time to admire everything but for Wonwoo it always felt like Mingyu was keeping something to himself. It was a feeling he never felt brave to voice. 

 

It had been years together and he was afraid to lose what he had. To lose his joy and happiness but it was a fear that kept pushing him down in one way or another.

 

The dynamics in their relationship changed a little bit if Mingyu compiled at any of Wonwoo’s whims, Wonwoo did it ten times more, Wonwoo was serious and quiet so he didn’t ask for many things and when he did Mingyu obeyed. Mingyu, on the other hand, asked for everything, yet when he out those big, puppy eyes and made his lower lip pop out, begging, -and in some occasions unbuttoning Wonwoo’s jeans to start sucking his dick- pleading, Wonwoo couldn’t deny a thing and that made Wonwoo understand his boyfriend a little bit and to know how to make him whine and plead in bed, how to make him ask for more as he ravished his ass and, well, Wonwoo loved the sound even more than feeling his boyfriend inside him. Yet, it was a changeable dynamic, it never was the same from one day to another. They had to keep moving forward over the years.

 

Wonwoo was sitting on their shared desk. Mingyu was out, working. His charming and lucky being got a nice job, a little-overworked job but nice at the end. Wonwoo has a job that went from eight to four, luckily, most of the times, yet there were days where he didn’t make it home until twelve o’clock and Mingyu was already in bed, sleeping soundly after a tired day and Wonwoo fell into the bed beside his boyfriend. That day was a lucky one yet he kept some work to do at home. He was there working on some designs for an upcoming exhibition, his mind was there. He had a blackboard in which he had put photographies of the pieces to keep an idea of how the things looked. He was focused on his job to get it done as soon as possible and being able to keep going home early in the week, at least until the exhibition days.

 

Mingyu got into the flat when Wonwoo was looking at the photographs to keep sketching the displays look and position without forgetting what the artist wanted to express with the pieces and which ones he wanted to be together or alone.

 

“Wonwoo,” Mingyu called making Wonwoo hum but not turning to see the younger as he stared at the pieces. “Wonwoo,” he called in a louder tone but Wonwoo kept immersed in his work. “Wonwoo,” Mingyu yelled and the older jumped, looking at his boyfriend. “I brought cake.”

 

Wonwoo turned to see Mingyu, there was just the younger on his sight as everything disappeared. “What for?” Mingyu giggled and Wonwoo could draw the outline of things. He looked to where Mingyu was, on the right side of the desk. He saw the kitchen counter, Mingyu standing beside it in the kitchen, the stairs beside the kitchen and the clock on the wall.

 

“You always forget,” Mingyu whined but when Wonwoo looked at him, he saw that small smile. Soft and warm as any other and even if it wasn’t filled with sadness, it was filled with melancholy.

 

“Our anniversary,” Wonwoo said slowly making Mingyu’s face brighten.

 

“Happy anniversary,” Mingyu said as he took out the cake from its box. “Do you want dinner?”

 

“Yes,” Wonwoo answered standing up to get close to Mingyu. “Wanna some help?” Wonwoo asked as he walked closer to his boyfriend.

 

“Of course,” Mingyu said happily as he welcomed his boyfriend’s arms around his waist before turning his face to kiss him. Slowly, softly yet, fast. “Now, help me cleaning this,” Mingyu said as he handed some things to Wonwoo, the younger boy chuckled and moved, doing exactly what Mingyu asked him to do.

 

There was a small talk, Wonwoo complaining about work and Mingyu telling him funny stories about his work. Some silly stuff like he breaking something on set and nobody found out about it. Wonwoo laughed alongside Mingyu and it felt like the most common and usual thing but not tired of it. It was a natural flow of things.

 

Mingyu stopped chopping onions and turned to see Wonwoo as the older supervised the stuff on the stove. It took Wonwoo longer that Mingyu wanted to notice. The younger already had turned around and kept chopping stuff as Wonwoo moved around the kitchen. It wasn’t something penetrating into their mood. It wasn’t changing, yet it felt like something was different between them.

 

“Can you believe it...?” Mingyu asked and Wonwoo looked at his boyfriend’s back. “We have been together for six years already.”

 

Wonwoo chuckled softly, a sound that came directly from the bottom of his lungs. “No, I can’t,” Wonwoo said. “I cannot believe you have supported me for six years already or that I can deal with your messy being.”

 

“Don’t be like that,” Mingyu said in that small whimpering voice of him. Like complaining about everything to cry at the first moment he could.

 

“I love you Kim Mingyu,” Wonwoo said and he could see how Mingyu’s eyes shone.

 

“I love you too,” Mingyu said. “Now let me finish our dinner and set the table.”

 

The table was small but enough for six people, there were many friends but they never stayed or never used the table. The floor was more fitting. Wonwoo walked over the table. He bought it and the first use they gave it was to have sex on it, to test the resistance, or they wanted to believe that. They were in the mood, the table was there and they did it, like a pair of teenagers without fears at all, just having each other. He put the tablecloth and a pair of candles, placing the wine and the glasses in the middle of the table. He lights up the candles when he heard Mingyu placing a pair of plates on the counter.

 

Wonwoo looked at the man working and moving around the kitchen and he saw not only Mingyu or his boyfriend, he saw something else and something deeper but so much within his heart, he didn’t want to see much deeper at what he already saw and he didn’t want to understand at all. He blinked and he moved forward to meet him, to meet the man he had been with for so long. The man he had loved so long and have done some inexplicable and amazing things with. Always together.

 

They sat on the table when Mingyu finished, the dinner was warm. In a few senses, it was hot and the feeling with is was nice. Mingyu gave his love into cooking and it made it not only delicious but an experience. Wonwoo always thought, Mingyu would be a wonderful chef but the younger wasn’t too interested in it. A small smile was drawn in Wonwoo’s face as he saw his boyfriend looking at him, trying to see his reaction. 

 

“It’s delicious,” Wonwoo said as he took another bite. He saw on the corner of his eye how Mingyu smiled, how his face illuminated making Wonwoo smile himself. A soft feeling covering his heart. “Thank you.”

 

“Nothing to thank,” Mingyu said as he ate, slowly in an almost seductively way. Wonwoo chuckled as he accompanied his boyfriend, eating and enjoying the meal.

 

The room was filled with some small talk. Some laugh and when the dinner was over they took the plates into the kitchen and brought the cake to the table. It felt like his birthday. Mingyu had placed the cake in front of Wonwoo, a few small birthday candles.

 

“Blow up,” Mingyu said into Wonwoo’s eat. Wonwoo turned to see him, locking his eyes with the younger. That mischievous glint covering the dark of his eyes. Wonwoo did as asked. Blowing off the candles. No wish and nothing on his mind more than his boyfriend. He moved to see Mingyu, the childish smile covering his lips and as he kept watching his smile. The more Wonwoo wanted to kiss him. Mingyu stopped smiling as he looked at Wonwoo. His body started to feel different. Everything was hot all of a sudden and Wonwoo smiled. That soft smile that made his nose crinkle. Mingyu smiled again but the smile soon disappeared as he kissed Wonwoo. He pressed his lips strongly against Wonwoo’s, the older didn’t complain. Wonwoo moved slowly, letting Mingyu’s weight fall on him. He moved to get out of the chair on the wooden floor. The kiss was messy as they just wanted to get into the most comfortable position they could find. Wonwoo pushed the char with a hand, losing his balance. Breaking the kiss and falling on the floor. Mingyu didn’t say anything and he kissed him again. This time, Wonwoo moved his arms around Mingyu’s neck. Mingyu broke the kiss. “Happy anniversary.”

 

Wonwoo smiled but said nothing. He kissed him again, pushing his tongue into Mingyu’s mouth. Harshly and desperately, Mingyu didn’t want to be left out. Moving his hands under Wonwoo’s shirt, pressing his fingertips against the white canvas and he was sure there would be a few bruises the next day but if Mingyu was sure about something was that Wonwoo loved being marked. He loved to feel Mingyu close even when the younger was everything but close.

 

Wonwoo broke the kiss. Moving inherently from his spot to unbutton Mingyu’s jeans. The younger looked at him with a small and cocky smile.

 

“Help me,” Wonwoo groaned. “If not I won’t suck you up. I won’t let you stick your dick inside.” Mingyu chuckled, a soft laugh that came from the bottom of his stomach.

 

“You want me inside,” Mingyu answered.

 

“True,” Wonwoo said. “Still help and let me suck you.” Mingyu laughed but moved. Standing up to get rid of his clothing. From his position on the floor, Wonwoo looked at Mingyu, his big figure looking even bigger. Making him feel thirsty. Wonwoo moved his hands to take Mingyu’s ankles. “Please,” Wonwoo whispered making Mingyu chuckle. The younger moved, sitting over Wonwoo, his leg positioned under Wonwoo’s armpits. Wonwoo moved his arms to take Mingyu’s cock, stroking it as his eyes moved to see the younger’s reactions. How his eyes shut close and his lips were pressed together. It was a soft look. He never got tired of seeing him, on how he was soft and under his control even when it didn't seem like it. Wonwoo placed Mingyu’s cock inside his mouth slowly, beginning with only the head. Licking and sucking in a playfully teasing way, making Mingyu groan, almost screaming in pleasure. Wonwoo smiled as he took out his boyfriend’s cock from his mouth to lick it,  from the base to the head. Mingyu’s body shook, slightly as Wonwoo kept teasing. Wonwoo smirked as he saw the reactions of his boyfriend but the smirk soon dies when Wonwoo put Mingyu’s cock inside his mouth and moved his hands toward his tights, squeezing them and making the younger area, moving his hips against Wonwoo’s mouth. Thrusting slowly and kindly to not make his boyfriend uncomfortable. Wonwoo hit Mingyu’s tight and the younger stopped, standing up and helping the younger to get on his feet, taking the opportunity to kiss him, to push him at every kiss and undress him, until they got into the bed, almost falling when the older tried to show him his ass on the stairs. Opening his cheeks for Mingyu to see, to admire but the younger just spanked him and the older moved to get into the second floor and into the bed, taking the lube in the way to fall over the bed. Pouring the lube over his dick. Mingyu watched him, spreading the lube over his dick to his ass and his entrance, opening his legs. Yet he stopped, waiting for Mingyu to put a finger inside.

 

The younger stared, stared to see how lovely his boyfriend looked and how much he loved the person on the bed. He got into the bed and moved to kiss the older as he pushed a finger inside him. Thrusting slowly, making Wonwoo moan into the kiss yet, he didn’t stop to kiss him, no, that would be the last thing he would do. Mingyu added a second finger and thrusted inside him, hard and fast. Wonwoo clung onto Mingyu, starting to move his hips against Mingyu’s fingers.

 

“Calm down,” Mingyu said, breaking the kiss and caressing Wonwoo’s face. Wonwoo opened his eyes to look at the younger, his eyes full of something new, something he hadn’t seen before and the look made him close his eyes. He heard Mingyu’s laugh but he kept his eyes closed. “Turn around,” Mingyu said and Wonwoo obeyed when the younger took out his fingers. “You’re weirdly tensed today,” Mingyu said and Wonwoo opened his eyes, looking at the white fabric of his sheet. He felt good, of course, Mingyu knew every fine spot in his body, everything Mingyu did to him was wonderful yet, everything felt different, it wasn't that he wasn’t enjoying the feel or the moment but it was something inside him, as if something changed the moment Mingyu got into the apartment or when they were having dinner or the moment they kissed knowing they would end up having sex, as they always did on their birthdays or every year on their anniversary. It was the same thing. They had dinner, something nice but light to their stomach so they would be able to have sex afterwards and always before the desert. Because the cake was what they ate in the mornings. Smiling like a pair of kids after a mischief.

 

Mingyu pushed his dick inside Wonwoo and every thought vanished with the feeling. Mingyu did a poor job stretching him but he liked the feeling of Mingyu stretching him open. Mingyu’s size was nice and he loved it, he got used to it, to a feeling of being filled by that size. Wonwoo moaned, a long sound followed by his own giggle.

 

“Good,” Wonwoo said and the sound of his voice made Mingyu start thrusting inside, slowly at first, moving his hands from Wonwoo’s hips to his chest, his fingertips brushing against his nipples making Wonwoo moan strongly against the white sheets.

 

“Do you like it?” Mingyu asked making Wonwoo laugh.

 

“Yes, I do,” Wonwoo answered feeling how Mingyu pinched his nipples without stopping his thrusts. Making them harder and stronger making Wonwoo whimper in pleasure. Hearing the younger doing the same. Moaning his name, making him feel filled in many ways than just literally. As he got close to the orgasm, Wonwoo started to drool. “Harder, please,” Wonwoo begged and Mingyu compiled. Making his movements faster than before, making Wonwoo start moaning loudly. It wasn't too long for him to hit his orgasm, breathing harshly, feeling the overstimulation with Mingyu still pounding into his ass until he released inside, filling him, making him feel complete but the feeling was gone. He didn’t feel complete, not yet at last. He turned to meet Mingyu and kissed him. Trying to fill the gap.

 

They let tiredness overcome their bodies.

 

“I love you Jeon Wonwoo,” he heard and smiled moving to kiss Mingyu’s neck.

 

“I love you too, Kim Mingyu,” Wonwoo said and moved to kiss the younger’s lips. It was a slow kiss that was broke when they needed air. They cuddled and fell asleep.

 

Wonwoo wondered when everything changed. If it was that night when he felt something going in a different way that usually went. That night he didn’t wish a thing but he should have done it, he should have asked what he always asked, happiness for both of them. It wasn’t that he was envious his boyfriend was escalating in his work while he went down to nothing. There were no fights, no but there were more moments in which he found himself sitting beside the window with a cup of coffee. In the middle of the night with a cup of coffee. If Mingyu was okay with it he would turn on the lamp and read there, not on their shared bed, there, sitting with the light of the lamp hitting one side and the moonlight on the other side. As if it divided him. He watched Mingyu sleep and he closed his book, he looked at the man he had been loving like mad but as he saw him there, sleeping soundly, not noticing how broken he had been in the last few weeks after he lost his job for a stupid mistake that wasn’t even his but the manager. As Wonwoo looked at his sleeping boyfriend on their shared bed, on their shared apartment, he wondered if there was a point in a relationship where everything gets stuck, nothing moving forward but staying unchangeable, making it sink and break apart. He didn’t want it to happen to his relationship yet it felt like it was happening. As if his feelings changed, he turned the page but as he turned it he noticed he wasn’t paying attention to it. He moved to turn off the lamp watching Mingyu’s slow breathing. As he watched him, staring at the boy he felt empty as if there should be something but there was anything at all. He didn’t know if he should be feeling something at all. Happiness perhaps or maybe just relief on finding his boyfriend there, still by his side. He placed the book on the couch, he placed the cup on the bedside table and walked towards his closet. He took a pair of jeans, a shirt and a jacket.

 

It was a little chilly outside. There was a small breeze hitting Wonwoo’s face as he walked. The jack he was wearing was warm enough yet he still felt cold. He walked in a straight line until he found a park, he walked slowly until.he reached a bench. It was late and there was nothing but silence, maybe there was only the sound of cars going around, yet it was a small sound.

 

“I never thought you’d agree to my invitation,” Wonwoo heard and turned to see Seungcheol, standing beside the bench but not sitting. He had a warm jacket and a scarf, he had taken the precaution before getting out of his house.

 

“I can’t sleep,” Wonwoo said. Seungcheol moved to sit beside him, he sat on the bench, away from Wonwoo.

 

“And your boyfriend?” Seungcheol asked and Wonwoo smiled, almost laughing.

 

“Sleeping of course.”

 

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Seungcheol asked. Wonwoo’s smile disappeared and he stared at the ground, his hands placed on his lap.

 

“I drank a coffee,” Wonwoo answered, trying to dismiss an idea and a fact.

 

“Then why are you here, I gave you an invitation in case something went wrong,” Seungcheol said.

 

“I wanted to walk, that’s all.”

 

“It’s far from home,” Seungcheol said and Wonwoo looked at him, angry but also hurt. His eyes reflected more than he wanted it to show. Seungcheol moved his hand to take him, it was soft, it was a brush on the back of his hand and it was barely perceptible until Seungcheol pressed his whole hand over Wonwoo’s. Wonwoo looked at it and then at Seungcheol. The touch was far for reassuring. “Why are you far from home?” Seungcheol asked and Wonwoo looked at him briefly. A few seconds before moving, he throws himself into Seungcheol, hugging him, pressing his body against the older as he broke down. He cried, sobbing loudly, brushing his lips against Seungcheol’s neck, almost teasingly.

  
  


Wonwoo walked into his house and took out his jacket to place it in the closet. When he walked further inside, Mingyu walked out the kitchen. Already clean and ready to work.

 

“Where were you?” Mingyu asked and Wonwoo shrugged his shoulders.

 

“Outside,” Wonwoo answered, getting close to press a kiss on Mingyu’s cheek. “I’m gonna take a bath.”

 

“Won,” Mingyu said as he saw Wonwoo walking away from him. “I love you.”

 

“Me too,” Wonwoo answered without turning back or stopping. He walked towards the second floor.

 

He walked slowly. Doubting at every step he took. His head spun at the idea. Something was different but he wasn’t sure what part was different if he himself was changing because of course, the circumstances were changing but he himself was changing? Was Mingyu changing? He wasn’t sure about that. The things were the same, exactly the same yet, he felt completely different and he didn’t know what was the scarier part of it. Wonwoo looked around as he was sitting in the bath. Everything should remain the same or it has to change? Things changed, for sure but those things were the things that were supposed to change or if it has to remain the same. He felt different and that was what scared him. Was that supposed to happen?

 

The water got cold and he stood up, walking out of the bathtub, taking his towel and dried his body. He walked naked towards his room. He stared at it, looking at how empty it felt without Mingyu. He kept walking towards their shared closet. He took a hoodie and a pair of pants to put on. He moved lazily trying to not overthink the things but he couldn’t, that little fear getting into him, into his very core, scaring the hell out of him. Wonwoo walked downstairs, finding food on the counter, already cold. The feeling of the act made him cry.

 

He felt empty. As if everything was ending.

 

Was there a point in a relationship where everything gets stuck, sink and break apart? A few months of struggle, a year full of changes and six years in a relationship ending as easy as the weather changed day by day or the sun setting every day.

 

When did that everything felt like an end?

 

People always say that the relationship dies little by little, changing. They kiss fewer times, they refuse to have sex, they just get dry and everything falls apart. It wasn’t their case. It was the same. They kissed as often as they did before, they had sex often, they said I love you every time they could yet, it didn’t feel right. There was nothing in it. They didn’t need comforting words or hugs or kisses. They didn’t need comfort at all. There were no tears to shed as they relationship was good, was even perfect. At some point it felt perfect but not anymore, it was everything but perfect. It felt like the puzzle that was made years before, were missing pieces and they never noticed that was missing until now.

 

Wonwoo moved to turn the stereo, the soft music he used to love breaking him down, making him shed the tears he was swallowing. Was it better to make their relationship change, to keep going or keep it like that and wait for them to inevitably fall apart?

 

Wonwoo took the phone, in the kitchen he dialled a number, resting his back on the wall, falling to the floor. He heard the other side beep and we felt scared.

 

“Hello,” he heard and he took a deep breath. It felt hard to breathe and the idea that was welling in his head was making it sting around his chest.

 

“Hi dad,” he said softly. “I wanted to ask you something, is a good moment?”

 

“Yeah, shot,” his father said making Wonwoo laugh. A small laugh that died as soon as it began.

 

“It’s about Mingyu,” Wonwoo said slow and he felt like he was making a bad move.

 

“Tell me.”

 

“I always felt like you loved mom a lot, and I always saw joy in both of you,” Wonwoo said. “I felt like that with Mingyu but I don’t feel the same anymore, and it feels weird,” he said and his father hummed, processing the words.

 

“How do you feel?” His father merely asked, making Wonwoo frown.

 

“Bad, I guess,” Wonwoo answered, his father chuckled.

 

“No, how do you feel about Mingyu?” His father said.

 

“I don’t know,” Wonwoo said, almost like a pained cry. “I don’t know what I feel that is why I am asking you.”

 

“Do you love him?”

 

“I don’t know anymore,” Wonwoo said crying. “I feel like we’re stuck like I’m just used to love him and being with him and I don’t know if it’s how we’re taking our relationship and fell into that point or that I just don’t love him.”

 

“There’s no point in a relationship where you just get accustomed to loving your partner,” His father said. “If that happens it means there was no love in the first place.”

 

“So, you never felt like this with mom?” Wonwoo asked, playing with the cable attached to the phone, trying to imagine how his father looked.

 

“No, I felt tired of her at some point,” his father confessed, “but, we talked the things over and everything faded, it’s how relationships work Wonwoo, talk with him, maybe you can get an answer like that,” he breathed and Wonwoo stared at the cold food and the stereo flooding his shared flat with the sad feelings he didn’t want to face. “It’s sad you couldn’t experience any of this before him,” his father said and Wonwoo looked at the phone. “I know you really loved him but you never had a relationship, you never faced breakups and how love just fades away. It happens Wonwoo you can love someone and then not love him anymore the next second and you cannot do anything about it.”

 

“I don’t want that,” Wonwoo cried. “I want Mingyu, I really do want him.”

 

“You cannot control feelings, you cannot decide when the things end, everything has an expiration date and love too,” his father said and Wonwoo felt like he was having a hard time telling him all of that. “Maybe you didn’t know how to look after your relationship it just ended. It’s normal and maybe you’re scared of it because you don’t know how it feels and you just don’t know how to feel to not love someone you had spent so long with,” his father said and Wonwoo gasped.

 

“But It’s Mingyu, I want him, I need him,” Wonwoo said.

 

“Again, do you love him? Can you actually say, at this moment, from your hear that you love him?”

 

The words stuck in his throat and Wonwoo cried, his father didn’t hang up, he heard Wonwoo cry, he didn’t even try to stop him, to say something to calm him down.

 

“You can get used to being with someone but not get used to loving him,” his father said when Wonwoo calmed a little. “Don’t do anything reckless and talk with Mingyu, maybe it’s just that the kind of relationship you had it became burdensome and you need a few changes, but you need to talk with him.”

 

“No,” Wonwoo gasped. “I feel like I don’t love him anymore.”

 

Wonwoo remembered how it felt when they began to have sex, so fulfilling, so needy and he felt ashamed on how their relationship was based on that, and now too yet, Wonwoo wanted to refuse most of the time. He didn’t want to have as much sex as they had when they just began but Mingyu was Mingyu and Wonwoo was scared of Mingyu thinking he didn’t love him anymore.

 

“Wonwoo,” his father said and his voice sounded commanding. “Talk with him, son, it'll help you, to get over and to let go,” he said and Wonwoo nodded.

 

“Thank you,” he said and he was about to hang up.

 

“Wait,” his father yelled and Wonwoo put the phone to his ear again. “I might not being of great help but I know a thing about you two,” he said and Wonwoo paid a lot of attention to him. “You went through many things, and you might go too fast it’s overwhelming now when you don’t know what’s next or if this is a good point on your relationship or if you just want to stay like this yet, you cannot go back. 

 

Wonwoo, you can cherish everything you went through with him but you cannot go back to that time, that’s the past and this is the present and if you think to stay the way you are now, it’s okay but by any means you won't want to get stuck on what you had. 

 

You cannot wish to be like before, it has to change, everything change, you might have another needs and Mingyu too and you need to get to know what your partner wants and what you want and work everything to fall in place and Wonwoo, you cannot expect yourself to be the same always, you cannot expect to love him forever the same way, and maybe that’s it, you love him in a different way and it feels like it’s not the way it should be but maybe it is and it’s enough. Take your time, but remember any choice you make that makes you feel good at heart is the right choice, okay?”

 

“Thank you,” Wonwoo said, tears falling from his eyes, caressing his cheeks and anything felt right or good but it didn’t matter at the moment he just needed to cry, to sort some things out and think what it was happening on his head and heart. What was that something that made everything so wrong and sad and empty? 

 

Wonwoo sat on the counter, in the kitchen, cold food on the plate, he left the phone off the hook, cell phone turned off and music replaying in the background. Three songs got into his head. 1. The one Mingyu had happily said it was their song. 2. The song that Mingyu said he hated because it reminded him of them. 3. The one that was about what he felt at the moment. It ended badly. Ended with him breaking up with Mingyu. 

 

It didn’t feel right but it felt like it was destiny. As if the song talked about him.

 

Wonwoo sat to think about it for hours until Mingyu came back. The younger looked at him and the state of the phone. Mingyu hung the phone and looked at the plate. He saw how Wonwoo played with the food without any real intention to eat it.

 

“Wonwoo,” Mingyu said and Wonwoo reacted.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Is everything okay?” Mingyu just asked and Wonwoo looked at the man in front of him. As handsome as always yet different. There was perfection before. It wasn't that Wonwoo didn't think of Mingyu as handsome or beautiful, that was something that wouldn't happen but there was a missing filling on everything. A piece was off and Wonwoo was unable to find it. 

 

“No, actually not,” Wonwoo said and stood to place the cold food in the trash and wash the place and cutlery. He didn’t say anything and Mingyu waited patiently for him. Wonwoo just did that to calm himself to let himself believe what he wanted to do it was okay. “Let’s break up,” he just blurted out without saying anything. 

 

“What do you want for dinner, I need to get many things from the supermarket, tell me so I can get the ingredients,” Mingyu said.

 

“Mingyu,” Wonwoo said turning around to look at him. Mingyu’s face turned in horror.

 

“I hoped we were bound to stay together,” Mingyu cried and Wonwoo felt his heart, break, he tried to get closer but Mingyu pushed him away. “What did I do wrong?”

 

“It’s me,” Wonwoo said. “You didn’t do anything at all, it’s me the one who thinks everything is wrong.”

 

“Won, tell me, why you want to leave me?” Mingyu said, sounding broken, sad, lonely, falling in the floor and Wonwoo did his best to get to hug him but hold the urge to kiss him.

 

“I don’t feel the same,” Wonwoo breathed against Mingyu’s head. “I don’t know why, Mingyu, I don’t know what I feel, I feel burdened with what we have,” he said and Mingyu fought to the older to release his grip on him.

 

“Do you love someone else?” Mingyu asked, releasing the grip Wonwoo had over him, taking him by the wrists.

 

“No, for god’s sake, no, I would never cheat on you,” Wonwoo hissed. “I don’t want to keep going the way we are now. I don’t feel like having sex as much as we have and I feel tired of you kissing me every hour of the damn day when we are together and I fucking hate that you cannot actually get when I’m tired, sad or angry.” Wonwoo breathed. “I fucking love you Mingyu but I’m actually tired of you.”

 

“What?”

 

“I’m tired of you, I cannot deal with you pampering me with affection as we did before. We were teenagers Mingyu. I was going through many things and you were caring and we were sickly in love but when I need you to be that way you can’t see it.” Wonwoo breathed. Mingyu laughed hugging Wonwoo. “What?”

 

“We never fought,” Mingyu said. “Does it feel nice?” 

 

“What? No, that’s not it,” Wonwoo breathed.

 

“I was getting tired of it too, I didn’t know how you felt about everything. You never complain, you never say what’s in your mind and I can guess many things but not everything.” Mingyu said caressing Wonwoo’s cheek. “I love as I did when I met you, I want to have sex the way we did before, loving, amazingly full of us but not the way we did. Needy as if there wasn’t anything else but you and your amazing ass or mouth and disgustingly full of lust” Mingyu said smiling.

 

“I was scared,” Wonwoo confessed. “I felt like if I said no you would think I didn’t love you and I feel like I do not love you anymore,” he breathed and Mingyu giggled.

 

“What you don’t love? Me or our relationship?”

 

“Our relationship, I hate it. It feels like we kept acting like teenagers,” Wonwoo hissed. “You don’t seem as surreal as before, it’s sad.”

 

“It’s human,” Mingyu breathed. “I’m not perfect.”

 

“You were perfect. I felt it yet, you aren’t now,” Wonwoo said, Mingyu moved his hand to Wonwoo’s neck, taking the necklace he had given to Wonwoo.

 

“When did you thought I was perfect?” Mingyu asked, slowly making Wonwoo chuckle.

 

“When you were shy and vulnerable and so much in love with me and drunk in me,” Wonwoo answered.

 

“Do you still love me? The person who isn’t drunk in you anymore,” Mingyu breathed and Wonwoo hugged him, brushing Mingyu’s lips with his own. It felt nice because he wasn’t just kissing Mingyu but kissing the smile plastered on his lips.

 

“I actually don’t know,” Wonwoo breathed. “I want to say I do but I would be lying and that’s not what I want for you, for me,” Wonwoo said.

 

“Death is the start of new life,” Mingyu mumbled and Wonwoo just stared at him. “I’m so in love with you and everything you do make me fall in love again but I think I forgot you’re not the same as me,” Mingyu caressed the initials on Wonwoo’s pendant. He moved to kiss Wonwoo’s forehead. “Wonwoo, I’m sorry,” Mingyu said brushing his lips against Wonwoo’s. “Let’s make ourselves fall in love again. Let’s get another life and another chance.”

 

“You’re actually an idiot,” Wonwoo breathed, smiling.

 

“I’m not a proper boyfriend, can I be a proper husband?” Mingyu asked making Wonwoo gasp.

 

“Let’s see, can you kiss me now,” Wonwoo said but Mingyu pushed him away.

 

“Let’s make our vows now,” Mingyu said and was about to stand up but Wonwoo took his arm.

 

“I promise I’ll complain about everything, I’ll tell you what’s in my mind, I will love you until my death and I surely don’t want to be with another person or man but you. The only one I can ever love it’s you it felt so empty when I felt I didn’t love you.” Wonwoo said and Mingyu giggled sitting on the floor beside Wonwoo.

 

“I promise I’ll treat you better, I’ll be your husband, your lover and your friend, everything, I won’t try to fix everything with sex or kisses. I’ll talk whenever I feel you or I need to talk, I’ll fill you with the emotions I feel and I will make you fall in love the way you make me fall in love every day,” Mingyu said, pulling Wonwoo into a kiss.

 

“I love you, idiot, I love this idiot who knows the right words,” Wonwoo said clinging into Mingyu.

 

“I had seen you naked but it’s hard to see your soul,” Mingyu said, and Wonwoo pulled him into another kiss.

 

“I want pizza,” Wonwoo said giggling and Mingyu just stood.

 

“Let’s get our dinner.”

**Author's Note:**

> The third song that's mentioned is Epik High's Tracklist. I actually mention one part of it "Death is the start of a new life" is part of the song and a few Epik High's songs but I can't quite get what it means exactly. In this lil' bit of story, this means, the end of a relationship to another stage of the same. Ending, to begin something else, something different and sometimes, better. 
> 
> Honestly, I hope this story can get a little bit of what I wanted for this two horny boys. I'm posting it because a friend of mine asked me to do it. I said yes.
> 
> Thank you for reading, all comments and kudos are greatly appreciated.


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